tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
