im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
