His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
