you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
