i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
