I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize