i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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