i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
