Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Oh god it's open bar.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
