i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Let's paint friendship bongs
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
