You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize