Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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