Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
