This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize