Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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