Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
