The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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