You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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