I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
