Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
