That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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