I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
