I look better un-naked...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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