Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
