i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
