Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
