I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
