I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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