im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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