I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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