walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
