i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
