do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Randomize