Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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