Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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