Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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