SEEEEXXX PLEASE
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Randomize