Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
