Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
