pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's never too late to be topless.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
They have beer where we have blood.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
