just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
