peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
