jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
