The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
