Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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