If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
