I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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