I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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