You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
