Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
