Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
