Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
