I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
