it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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