I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
