youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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