Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Dick very happy bro
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
