tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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