I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize