our cab driver is having phone sex.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
