Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
