I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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