My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize