I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
