do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
