yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
