Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
