VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
