i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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