I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
