dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
