just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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