I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize