My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize